


"You made the wrong decision, this isn't what I would have picked."

by StoryTellerNamedNerys



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 05:41:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoryTellerNamedNerys/pseuds/StoryTellerNamedNerys
Summary: Alec tells his mum about his break up with Magnus, and why he did it. Magnus doesn't need to be told why Alec did it when he wakes up the following morning with magic running through his veins again. But it wasn't Alecs choice to make, and Magnus wouldn't have picked this.





	"You made the wrong decision, this isn't what I would have picked."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to lie, I haven't even proof read this but I wanted to post before the episode airs tonight. It's my first time writing them and it isn't completely in character but I really enjoyed writing it. Hope you enjoy reading it!

“Alec,” Maryse greets as she sits opposite him at the table in the Hunter’s Moon. “I’m surprised you wanted to meet. Izzy told me about Clary and Jonathan, I thought you’d be at the Institute,” she stops talking and looks to her eldest son, noticing something is wrong. He’s looking down at his drink, he hasn’t looked at her since she got here. “Alec, honey, what’s wrong?”

There’s a moments silence, Maryse growing more concerned, Alec trying to figure out how to say what happened without crying. He use to be good at controlling his emotions. Extremely good. But since Magnus, since anything to do with Magnus, he can’t just push down and ignore his feelings. He can’t control his emotions anymore.

Slowly he looks to his mother, eyes bloodshot from crying, but he can still feel more tears left in him. Instantly she knows, she needs him to confirm it, but she knows just by looking at him that it is to do with Magnus.

“Me and Magnus broke up,” he says, after a deep breath. It’s clear in his voice that he is trying to portray like it is nothing, that he’s trying to push down his emotions. But Maryse is his mother, and she recognises those bloodshot eyes from crying after a break-up all too well. 

“Alec,” she starts, unsure of what to say. When she and Magnus had been speaking last night he had said how he doesn’t know what he would do without Alec. Only a few days ago Alec came to her to ask for the family ring, to tell her that he was going to propose to Magnus. She’d never seen her son look so happy. “I am so sorry,” she says quietly, reaching her hands across the table to wrap them around his. 

Alec gives a small nod, worried that if he opens his mouth to say anything else he’ll start crying or throwing up, again. Maryse gives his hands a tight, supportive, squeeze and sits quietly for a few moments, trying to think of what to say.

“I-” she starts, hoping something will just come out of her mouth naturally. It doesn’t. She closes her eyes and lets out a small sigh. “Alec, what happened? When I was with Magnus last night he was saying how he doesn’t know what he’d do without you, and you,” she takes a short pose, looking at her son who is clearly in pain, before carrying on. “-You were going to propose.” She doesn’t like asking this, she doesn’t want to upset him any more that he clearly already is, but she needs to know. The break-up doesn’t seem right to her, it doesn’t make sense, she needs to know the truth. 

Alec removes his hands from hers and brings them up to his eyes, rubbing them for a moment. He’d maybe had a couple hours sleep at best. He’d spent the night crying and looking at the side of the bed he’d become so use to seeing Magnus lay on, and going back and forth to the bathroom to throw up. It was all too much to deal with.

He considers telling her a lie. Giving her the same reasoning he’d given to Magnus the night before. But the words hurt him too much to say the first time, he can’t do it again. Besides, his mum would know he was lying anyway. He moves his hands away from his eyes, and is greeted by his mothers concerned expression. 

“I was going to propose,” he tries to push his emotions down, for a few minutes at least, just so he can say what happened, why he did it, without falling apart. “I had a meal planned, but he showed up drunk and had a breakdown-”

“It’s okay,” Maryse interrupts. She can see the pain this is causing her son, and given she knows about the breakdown, she wants to try and make the story as short as possible for him to tell. “Magnus told me he had a breakdown in front of you, you can skip over that bit.”  

“Did he tell you what he said?” Alec asks, knowing Magnus wouldn’t have said those words sober, or to anyone else. Maryse shakes her head. “He said he could never be happy without his magic,” Alec’s head drops to look at his drink again. Maryse stays silent, wanting to give him time to finish before speaking herself. 

“So I-” he hesitates, taking in a deep breath, an attempt to gather the courage to tell his mum what happened. “So I met with Asmodeus yesterday,” it’s hard for Maryse to fight the instinct to tell him off for that. “I asked him to give Magnus his magic back,” Alec pauses again, needing a moment to fight off the tears threatening to roll down his cheeks. Maryse bites the inside of her cheek slightly, able to tell where this story is going.

“He said he would, if I broke up with Magnus. He said to break his heart to save his life, and that he can never know, otherwise he’ll take the magic back again.” He can’t stop the tears from slowly, quietly, rolling down his cheeks as he says the words, neither can Maryse. “So I did.” More tears flow from his eyes. 

Tears roll down Maryse’s cheeks too as she looks at her son. They sit in quiet for a few minutes, Maryse trying to figure out what to say to her heartbroken son, and Alec just trying to stop crying. 

Maryse takes a deep breath, “Alec, I understand why you did it.” She bites her lip slightly, trying to figure out the right words to use for what she is going to say next. “Alec it wasn’t your choice to make,” she states, her tone a mixture of sternness and sympathy.

Alec looks up to her, tears still slowly rolling down his face, but slightly less now. “Mom-”

“Honey,” she interrupts, “I know why you did it, but breaking up with him so he could have his magic back? That choice wasn’t yours to make Alec-”

“He gave up everything for me!” Alec interrupts, voice sad, but slightly laced with anger. Izzy said the same thing, no one seems to understand his point of view. “He has given up everything. How could I not give up this one thing.”

“You weren’t giving up one ‘thing’ Alec. You gave up Magnus. You took yourself from him.”

“He said he wouldn’t be happy without his magic.” Attempting to convince himself that he’d done the right thing. 

“He would have adjusted Alec. That man loves you. He thinks he couldn’t live without magic because he’s never done it before, and it is a part of him. But he would have adjusted for you, over time he would have got use to it. Trust me.” She reaches her hands out again to squeeze his. 

“He shouldn’t have to adjust to living without magic for me. It isn’t fair.” Alec sniffles, his nose running slightly from the crying. 

“It isn’t fair. But he chose it. And the choice to give you up and get his magic back or not should have been his to make.” 

Alec shakes his head, “I didn’t want to make him choose between his immortality, his magic, who he is, and me.”

Maryse shakes her head, and gives Alec a small smile. “Alec, he’d already made that choice.” Alec looks to her, slightly confused. “ _ He  _ made that original deal with Asmodeus.  _ He  _ agreed to the terms.”

“I couldn’t-”

“ _ He  _ already chose you Alec.”

“He chose saving the city.”

Maryse tilts her head slightly while looking at her son, a small disbelieving smile on her face. “To save the city, and  _ you. _ ” Alec looks to her, eyes watery. “Magnus is a good man Alec, had he wanted to he probably could have made a deal with his father to get rid of Lilith, that would have saved the city. He made a deal to get rid of the Owl, that was to save Jace. And you.” Alec looks to his drink again, not replying. “Talk to him Alec.”

“I can’t. He can’t know about the deal, he’ll lose his magic again.”

“I think it’s a risk he’d be willing to take.”

“That’s not for you to decide.”

Maryse gives him a small soft smile, “It’s not for you to decide either.”

 

*******

Magnus rubs his eyes as he tries to open them to look at the time. Checking his phone he sighs, he hasn’t even had an hours sleep. He sits up straighter and looks at his phone again, of course there are no messages. Alec was the only one that talks to him without needing a crisis. He lets out a deep sigh and realises something feels different. He feels different, but in a familiar type of way. 

His eyes widen in a mixture of confusion, shock and doubt. He raises his hand in front of him and takes a deep breath. He clicks his fingers and blue sparks fly from his fingertips. For a brief second he feels at bliss.

The door to the store suddenly opens, Maryse walks in, concern written all over her face. As she sees the sparks fade away she can’t help but give a small smile. She can’t imagine what it must be like for him to have his magic back, to have who he is back. The excitement and happiness he must feel. Looking to his face she realises that isn’t how he’s feeling. 

“I have my magic back,” his voice isn’t full of the happiness that they both expected it to be. He isn’t feeling as he expected he would if this day ever came. 

Maryse nods and gives a small smile, “You do.”

“You know, don’t you?” Magnus suspects, sensing her tone and manner. She nods to him, her smile now apologetic and clearly ready to comfort him. “Does anyone else know?”

She knits her brows in confusion, out of all the questions she’d expected, that wasn’t one of them. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Good, then no one will question it when I go to the Institute,” he explains as he gets out of the chair and walks across the room, past Maryse and to the door.

“Magnus, what are you-”

Magnus turns to face her fully. “Tell me he didn’t make a deal with Asmodeus to get me my magic back, and that we weren’t the price,” he challenges. His tone serious, but having a slight light and friendly aspect to it. The woman just looks at him, not saying a word, Magnus shakes his head lightly. “That silly, caring, fool,” he says more to himself than Maryse. “It wasn’t his choice to make.”

Maryse nods, a small smile on her face, “I told him that too.”

Magnus nods in response before turning to walk out the door again. He places his hand on the door before turning back to look at Maryse, who had already placed her bag on the table and was picking up a book. “Maryse?” He calls, to get her attention again. She turns to look at him, “You raised an amazing man.”

She gives a small grateful smile, but says quietly “I’m not sure I had much to do with it.”

“You did,” Magnus reasurres. “You’re a great mother.” He gives her a final nod and leaves the building, leaving behind a slightly teary Maryse. 

*******

Alec lets out another sigh as he stares at paperwork. Trying to carry on as if nothing happened was proving to be just as hard as he thought it would be. He hasn’t told anyone else what happened, he’d seen his sister and Parabatai who could clearly tell something was wrong. Neither of them brought it up, knowing Alec would talk if and when he was ready. 

He’s been trying to do the work the Head of the Institute is responsible for, plus keep tabs on the search for Clary all day, but he can’t focus on any of it because his mind keeps floating back to Magnus. The memories he has with him, and the look on his face at Alecs words last night. It’s a look that he’ll never forget.

He looks up at his office, photos of him and Magnus are dotted all around the room. He stands and walks over to the furthest one and picks it up, holding the frame tightly. A tear rolls down his cheek which he is quick to wipe away. He closes his eyes tightly, an attempt to regain composure. 

Suddenly he feels a familiar feeling pass by him and his heart flutters in response, and then a frame appears in front of his eyes on the shelf. A different photo of him and Magnus, from the same day as the one in his hand. He takes a deep breath, but doesn’t turn around. He already knows Magnus is behind him, he knew from the feeling that it was Magnus’ magic that passed by him. He could always tell when it was Magnus, almost as if he had a connection with the magic too. 

“I much prefer this one, but the one you’re holding was always your favourite. Who knows why, I look awful in it.” He had only gone twenty and a half hours without hearing that voice, but it felt like a century. Hearing it again was a relief. He hears the door shut softly.

“It’s my favourite because I captured a moment that you were just smiling. You weren’t posing for the photo,” Alec explains, placing the frame back up on the shelf beside the new one. “You were just laughing at some corny joke I’d made and I managed to get it on camera. Making you laugh is one of the best feelings, and I got to capture it.” 

Magnus smiles slightly at the younger man, still surprised every time Alec says something like that to him. Alec doesn’t see the smile, he still hasn’t turned around to face Magnus, unsure of how he’ll react if he sees him again. “I know what you did Alec,” Magnus says softly. He wants to move closer to the other man but stops himself. Alec’s head drops slightly. 

“She told you?” He asks, voice quiet. 

“She didn’t have to. My magic suddenly returning the morning after you break up with me was a bit too much of a coincidence.”

Alec sighs, he should have expected that. “You’re putting your magic at risk by being here,” he replies, trying to keep emotion out of his voice. But he can’t, not completely. 

“I don’t care,” Magnus replies. They stand in silence for a few moments, Alec looking at the photos in front of him and Magnus watching Alec. “I appreciate what you did, that you gave us up for me to have my magic again” Magnus admits. Alec just nods, starting to accept that maybe his mum was wrong, maybe Magnus wouldn’t have picked him if he had the choice. “But it wasn’t your choice to make,” Alec shakes his head and opens his mouth ready to speak, but Magnus continues first. “And you made the wrong decision, this isn’t what I would have picked.” 

Alec slowly turns around to face him. Magnus’ eyes are just as bloodshot as Alec assumes his must be, he hates that he made him cry. A small breath escapes Alec’s lips before he finally replies. “You are constantly there for all of us,” he starts. “Whenever we need anything, whatever we need, you are constantly there to help,” Alec pauses and steps a little closer to the other man. 

Magnus looks ready to reply, but Alec doesn’t let him. 

“I can’t even count all the times you have exhausted your magic, or almost collapsed or sacrificed something, just to help us. And what do we all do it return? Nothing. We do nothing. I thank you and kiss you and that’s it. No one else does anything. Jace and Clary just walk into your apartment whenever they need you, and I can’t think of a time where they’ve thanked you for helping them instantly, without a second thought.”

“You gave up your magic to save New York, to save Jace,” he pauses briefly and looks Magnus directly in the eye. He’s a few steps closer to the man now, maybe only three or four steps left between them. “To save me, so that I wouldn’t have to live while missing part of myself. You gave up who you are so that I wouldn’t have to live with the loss of part of me.” Saying the words out loud makes Alec finally accepts that yes, Magnus did choose to save Alec over keeping his powers. Magnus could have rejected Asmodeus’ deal and just portaled to another city, another country, and forgotten all about Alec and New York. But he didn’t. He took the deal to save them, to save him. 

Tears roll quickly down Alec’s cheeks as his thoughts fully sink in. 

“I had the chance to do the same for you. To give up part of me, because you are a part of me now, and you’d get your magic back. You would be happy again, you’d have who you are back. I didn’t want you to have to make the choice again because I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt making it the first time-”

“It wasn’t a hard choice,” Magnus interrupts. “Painful, yes. You know that losing my magic has been painful for me. But deciding to give it up? I didn’t need to think about it.” Alec goes to reply, maybe argue back, but all he can do is look at the man standing in front of him. “You’re right,” he pauses, “I have used too much magic to help the Shadowhunters and I don’t always get a thank you.” He shrugs, “But I don’t need one,” again Alec goes to reply, this time knowing he’s going to list off all the reasons why Magnus deserves to be treated better, but Magnus continues before he can say anything. 

“I protect the people you care about, I don’t need them to thank me to know they are grateful.”

Alec’s face turns more serious as Magnus’ explanation, “Just because you don’t need one doesn’t mean they shouldn’t give one. You deserve better Magnus.”

Magnus gives him a small smile as he steps forward, closing the gap between them a little bit more. “The fact you say that is one of the reasons I love you.”

“Magnus, your magic,” Alec warns while shaking his head.

“You got to give your speech,” Magnus starts, “Now it’s my turn.” His small playful smile is seen by Alec who returns it with a small one of her own, he can’t help it. Alec gives a small nod.

“My whole life I’ve had the promise of living forever. I’ve been in many relationships, and I’ve outlived many of my loves.” Alec doesn’t flinch or feel anger when Magnus mentions his previous relationships anymore, now he just feels sad for him. He couldn’t imagine the pain Magnus must have gone through after each of them died. Magnus takes a step closer, “During all of those relationships, no matter how much I loved them, I knew that I would eventually be OK with living without them. That it would take time, but I would heal and find someone else for a time.”

The younger man can’t hide his confusion from his face, unsure of how telling him how he’d moved on from previous relationships was meant to make Alec feel better right now. But he stays quiet, giving Magnus the chance to speak. 

“I’ve known that with everyone. Everyone, apart from you.” Magnus says, taking another step forward. “Alexander,” neither of them can stop their hearts from fluttering lightly in response to hearing the name come from Magnus’ lips. “Agreeing to giving up my magic and immortality so I could save you was not a hard choice. As much as my magic and immortality are a big part of what makes me who I am, they aren’t  _ who _ I am. When I took that deal, when I ran into that lane and his Jace with that last bit of magic, I wasn’t thinking of what I was going to lose. I thought of what I was going to gain.” He pauses and Alec stares at him, eyes bewildered. 

“I was going to get to grow old with the man I love,” he continues and takes a final step closer to Alec, now only a small gap between them. “You once told me you don’t think you can live without me,” Alec’s heart feels as though it’s beating out of his chest at Magnus’ words and closeness. All he wants to do is lean forward and kiss Magnus, but he can’t. He won’t make that choice for him again. “Well, I know I can’t live without you.” 

Alec lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and both men smile at each other. 

“I’m not going to say this will be easy for me. Losing my magic and immortality is still going to be painful, and some days will be better than others. But getting to be with you will make it that much easier, I’ll get through it all with you by my side.”

Alec can’t help but smile brightly at Magnus. “I still don’t think it’s fair,” Alec starts, Magnus goes to speak but Alec  raises his hand, a sign to stop him interrupting. “And we will find another way for you to get your magic back-,” he declares.

“I’m in no rush,” Magnus says quickly. They both smile brightly at each other, unable to contain their happiness. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Alec lets out a laugh, and smiles as the shorter man takes a little step forward and closes the gap between their lips. They stand there for a few minutes, arms wrapped tightly around each other. 

Slowly they pull apart, just enough to see each others faces, unwilling to let go again yet. 

“Is it gone?” Alec asks, voice soft and quiet.

Magnus gives a small, not quite completely sad, smile. “I spoke with my father this afternoon, after I realised what you’d done,” he says lightly, Alec gives him a confused and shocked look. “I got him to agree to leave me with enough magic to do one small spell before taking it away completely.”

“The frame,” Alec says, turning his head to look at the picture again. Magnus had wanted enough magic to create a framed photo of them, that’s what he wanted to use the last of his magic on, possibly forever. 

Magnus looks to it and smiles, “You know me, I like to make a dramatic entrance.” They both let out a small laugh as Alec turns back to look at Magnus again. 

“I’m sorry for-”

Magnus quickly puts a finger to the man's lips. “You have nothing to be sorry for Alexander,” he assures. 

Alec gives a small smile and nod, before getting a mixture of excitement and nerves building up in his stomach. He places one hand against his trouser pocket, feeling the little square box. “This may not be the perfect time to do this,” he says suddenly, unable to stop himself. Magnus gives him a confused look, but with a smile still sitting on his face. “But I’m starting to realise there’s never going to be a perfect time.”

Magnus gives the man a bemused smile, “Alexander, what are you talking about?”

Alec smiles brightly at him, reaches into his pocket, and in one smooth motion pulls the little box from his pocket and opens it, as he gets down on one knee. Magnus just stares at him in shock, eyes instantly filling with tears that he tries to blink away.

Alec manages to keep his composure, his eyes are watery, and any second now he will start crying. But he keeps his composure much better than Magnus. “Our relationship has been crazy,” he starts, a tear finally falling from his eyes. “We’ve had more ups and downs in our short time together than most people have through their whole lives. But we always find our way back to each other, and we always will. I love you so much,” a few more tears roll down Alecs cheeks as he speaks. “Will you marry me?”

Magnus nods rapidly, and Alec quickly stands back up and slides the Lightwood family ring onto Magnus’ finger. Magnus wraps his hands around Alec's neck and pulls him in for a long kiss, Alec's hands instinctively go to Magnus’ waist, pulling him closer. 

A few minutes pass and they pull apart, but still hold on to each other tightly. 

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane,” he hums happily. “I like how that sounds.”

“It sounds perfect, Magnus Lightwood-Bane.” They both smile brightly at each other, relieved that everything has worked out and that they’re together. 

And as Alec pulls Magnus in for a tighter hug he vows that he will find a way to get Magnus his powers back, without having to lose him. And a way for them to be together, forever.


End file.
